This is Rebecca Dakin.
At the age of twenty-five, Rebecca decided she was sick and tired of making £100/week at some crappy job she hated, so she decided to give prostitution a whirl.
Her first client paid her £1 400 for the … ahem …. pleasure of her company, and Rebecca never looked back. Nine years and 900 men later, she is now an author of a book that offers sex tips and relationship advice for ladies called The Girlfriend Experience, and will soon be out promoting her new book, Why Husbands Stray.
Ultimately, says Rebecca, it comes down to sex.
‘If your man is not asking you for sex anymore, it means he’s seeking it elsewhere. He’s not going to accept being in a marriage without sex.’
Hmmm. Could she be right?
If you look up the reasons women give for initiating divorce (most of which are, in fact, initiated by women), you get some combination of the following rationales:
My marriage sucks and he ignores me
My marriage is abusive
I want what I want and fuck what he wants
I am not getting the kind of emotional coddling I want
Something is kinda, sorta, vaguely wrong with my life and it can’t be me so it must be him
I’m bored
I want flowers
I want bubble baths
I want chocolates
Do I look fat in these chocolate bubbles?
I want to talk about me more
I want him to talk about me more
Why can’t this just be about me?
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/f/why_women_file_divorce.htm
Only one of those reasons is a valid reason to get divorced: abuse. Although if he slapped you after you punched him in the face six times and tried to shove him down the stairs, you may have the word “abuser” defined incorrectly.
At any rate, you should still get a divorce, because it’s not nice to abuse or to be abused. And since most domestic violence is mutual, either one of you can take the first steps to ending that kind of marriage.
http://www.batteredmen.com/batsacks2way.htm
Most of the reasons women end marriages have to do with one aspect of marriage they find unsatisfying: intimacy. Women want a deep, emotional connection to their partner and are very unhappy when that connection isn’t there.
Fair enough. Most men want that, too.
So how do you encourage intimacy in marriage?
By setting up spreadsheets and pie charts to determine who is doing what work and then weeping over any perceived unfairness?
Yeah, no. That’s a good way to make certain you are headed for divorce court pronto.
By treating your spouse as your friend and then collapsing in despair when your interests no longer align perfectly?
http://judgybitch.com/2013/04/05/husband-%E2%89%A0-friend/
Uhnm, nope. That doesn’t appear to be a very great strategy either.
Let me think, now. There must be SOME way, some unique mechanism through which husbands and wives can build and maintain a deep sense of emotional connection and intimacy.
Wait, I know!
Yes, that’s it. Daily Scrabble!!!!
Okay, okay, I’m just kidding.
It’s far more complex than that.
Scrabble while wearing Star Trek uniforms! Oh man, how awesome would that be?
It’s really not that hard to figure out, is it? How do you keep a marriage connected? How do you nourish happiness and contentment? How do you create intimacy? How do you maintain love?
Rebecca is absolutely correct: sex.
Sadly, sexless marriage is not all that uncommon.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexless_marriage
There’s even a fancy term for it: Hypoactive Sexual Desire.
And it’s mostly reported by women.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2872178/
Not tonight dear, I have a headache.
Apparently, you can treat the problem with a testosterone patch.
Although I wonder why the researchers didn’t consider treating the problem with just plain old testosterone. Most homes with a husband present have a ready supply of the stuff.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semen
The treatment for low sex drive is …. have sex!!
I’ll just wait here for my Nobel prize.
So Rebecca is correct: sex is what makes men stray. Specifically, a lack thereof. I’m sure there are OTHER reasons men stray, too, and she even details a few. Some guys just like the thrill of the chase. Some guys like variety. Some guys are married to bitches they can’t stand to be in the same room with, let alone fuck.
But most guys called her up because they wanted sex and they weren’t getting it at home.
Personally, I don’t consider sex with a prostitute infidelity. I consider it entertainment.
Mr. JB has a hilarious story he likes to tell about his experience with prostitutes in Mongolia. He was part of team negotiating with the mayor and some other town officials to bring a new power generator to Mongolia, and after a long day of site tours and dealing with specs, the whole group sat down to dinner.
Afterwards, the mayor brought in a selection of the finest prostitutes his town had to offer.
Mr. JB says he didn’t know if he should arm wrestle them or hitch them to a plow and break the field out back. Apparently, Mongolian men prefer some sturdy womanhood.
To be fair, there are lots of utterly gorgeous Mongolian women, but this was in the backwoods nowhere of Mongolia and the good looking ladies were either long gone or otherwise occupied.
He swears he spent the night in the hotel playing cards with some Norwegian engineers who were similarly unimpressed with the ladies of Mongolia, but that’s neither here nor there. It really doesn’t bother me.
Mr. JB has carte blanche to avail himself of the services of professional ladies, should he so desire. I have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy on that matter, but my GUESS would be that he never has, and probably never will.
That’s not owing to some deep reverence for the sanctity of marriage or an unassailable commitment to fidelity or even out of an abiding respect for me.
It’s because he’s really, really cheap.
$20 on flowers nearly kills him! $200 for a blowjob would annihilate him.
Not
Going
To
Happen
I’m just kidding. Okay, not really. But the number one reason Mr. JB doesn’t need prostitutes is because he has sex at home. After 15 years together, it’s tough to imagine how we could be closer, or more intimate. And it’s not just us.
This lady decided to have sex with her husband every day for a year, and it transformed her marriage from distant and squabbly to close and connected.
Intimacy. If it’s what you want, what you crave, what you need above all else, then it’s time to get naked and hit the sheets.
Think of all the money you’ll save on testosterone patches.
Not to mention hookers*!
Lots of love,
JB
*sorry ladies, but I doubt you’ll run out of clients anytime soon
Filed under: How to be a WIFE?, Marriage, Sex, Sex Workers Tagged: Divorce, getting marital advice from hookers is like getting sex advice from catholic girls, if there's steak at home men won't go out for burgers, Marital advice from hookers, Rebecca Dakin, sex keeps marriage alive
